Profound #GofB material
3:16 The whole domain of self is full of various dynamics that trap attention and activity in specific worlds that are quite subjective and prone to illusory concerns. One such domain is social management and your devotion to maintaining a self-image. Your self-image has two major facets that influence your experience. First, there is the image that you strive to have others see—how you want to be perceived as a person—combined with how you imagine they see you. The second is how you see yourself, combined with how you want to see yourself. Both of these are highly subjective. Take some time and experience these in yourself.
Ralston, Peter. The Genius of Being: Contemplating the Profound Intelligence of Existence (Kindle Locations 660-665). North Atlantic Books. Kindle Edition.
3:17 If your assessment of the way others see you is inconsistent with the way you want to be seen, you will attempt to manipulate the other to produce the “correct” version of yourself in their mind. Whether you succeed or fail, the outcome will influence how you hold the other and how much you see him or her as “friend” or “foe.” If you are unable to resolve this inconsistency, especially if their assessed view is intolerable to you, you will likely have a negative relationship status with that person. You will also undergo a lot of internal mental gymnastics to hold onto your view, such as discounting their perspective, feeling bad, making them wrong, and ignoring them. You may also resort to blaming yourself or changing your behavior. On the other hand, if they view you favorably, perhaps even better than you expected, you’re likely to have a positive disposition toward them. Regardless of the results, these mental or interactive gymnastics are all based on highly subjective and very likely inaccurate interpretations.
Ralston, Peter. The Genius of Being: Contemplating the Profound Intelligence of Existence (Kindle Locations 665-672). North Atlantic Books. Kindle Edition.
3:18 More often than not, however, the way you imagine that others see you is quite different from the way you’re actually perceived. The other person doesn’t have your agenda and needs, so it’s unlikely that their perspective will match your desired self-image. Instead, they will see you in relation to what you mean to them. Your value or threat to their concerns will determine their view of you.
Ralston, Peter. The Genius of Being: Contemplating the Profound Intelligence of Existence (Kindle Locations 672-675). North Atlantic Books. Kindle Edition.
3:19 On some level you’re aware of this, and play to that dynamic; you present a front in the hope of affecting them—and so manipulating them—to see you in the way you desire. Sometimes you’ll be successful at this, but even when you’re not, you likely won’t know it. Just as you keep most of your judgments of others to yourself—unless you have some reason not to—their responses also serve their own ends, and the way they really see you will be kept to themselves.
Ralston, Peter. The Genius of Being: Contemplating the Profound Intelligence of Existence (Kindle Locations 675-679). North Atlantic Books. Kindle Edition.
What is fascinating about all of this – even though he never mentions #RWG – the dynamics & methods are in the mix. The rest of the chapter has more goodies but you will have to obtain your own copies.